An unexpected interview

As an author I spend a lot of my time alone, thinking up and then drafting stories for this website. Seeing as how I only plan on publishing one story of 500-700 words a week, this gives you an insight into how much rubbish goes in the bin. Due to this insane inefficiency my hours are irregular and often I find myself in the office until the early hours of the morning.

Also, as an unpublished author I should point out that my office and my bedsit are one and the same.

That’s by the by. What this is really about is who I woke up with in my room the other day. Jo. The fictional character I write about. She was slouching in my office chair reading my notes.

To say it came as some what of a shock is an understatement. Luckily, I tend to wake up with my wits fully attuned. I turned on my voice recorder (by the way did you know that Dictaphone is a trademarked product?) and recorded the conversation that we had.

This is the transcript between me and Jo. I have added some notes to clarify the progression of the conversation.

You’re Jo

Yes, I am

What are you doing here?

A Tour. I have to say that you are taking this a lot better than many of the other “authors”

Thanks… to be honest this all feels like a bizarrely surreal dream.

[Jo stops leafing through my notes and turns to give me her full attention]

But it’s not a dream, that’s the first thing you must understand.

[Listening back to the conversation I can hear the distinct moment where I go from confused to focussed. It is in this moment that I decide to interview Jo]

Could we focus a bit on you? Tell me about your life, who is Jo?

That is an extremely difficult question to answer for me. I have been many people over many lives.

Surely you must have had a “first” life though?

Ah. OK. Well I grew up in the Commonwealth, which is a planet in a different reality to yours, so you probably aren’t aware of it.

Actually, I am it’s in the book I wrote about your life.

Yes, well what I meant is that your readers are probably unaware of it as that book hasn’t been published yet, has it?

No, it hasn’t, yet

And I wish you all the success in getting it published. I hope this website that you are putting together shines some light on your talents, of writing about my life.

[No matter how many times I listen to this part of the conversation I am still unsure how sincere this comment was. It is sincere until she mentions her life. Is she hinting that I am committing plagiarism? Can you plagiarise your own fictional character?]

Thank you

So, as I was saying I was born in the Commonwealth. The planet was a prison planet in the Gugulian Empire, at least that was our understanding of history. No one knows how long the Gugulian’s operated the planet as a prison or what species were originally native to the planet, however a couple of generations before I was born the Empire was fading and the people who would found the Commonwealth rebelled against their captures.

I should point out at that unlike your planet, the Commonwealth was home to several species that could attain a Type I or above civilization on the Kardashev scale. These were the Humans, the Spider Wolfs, the Giants, the Hive and the Seeders.

Despite the decline in the Gugulain’s strength the fight for liberation was long. The final place that was liberated was known as Z4. During the height of the Gugulian’s control it was known as a simple labour camp but as their territory was reduced the Gugulians dug in. Literally. As they were a subterranean species, thousands died there as a slave labour force. It was here where my mother found me.

You were found? Could you explain that a bit more?

Not really.

[Jo holds a firm look, she wants me to change the subject but I know her and I wait. Eventually she sighs and continues]

Look, the events of my birth are quite convoluted, I don’t really think we talk about it in depth. All you need to know is that the woman who found me adopted me.

And no before you ask me, I’m not like Bond, Potter, Finn, Longstocking, Mowgli, Sawyer, Riddle, McCloud, Baggins, Wayne, Pan, Skywalker, Belacqua, Spellman, Twist or any other orphan because, well other than not being the chosen one I… well… I had a convoluted birth. [Jo shrugs]

I lived a happy life in the Commonwealth, with the elimination of the Gugulians the five species turned their focus from an external threat, inwards and towards improvement. The old rivers that had been rerouted by the Gugulians underground were brought back up to the surface. The Seeder’s planted wonderful gardens and farms meaning that the barren inhospitable land eventually provided surplus of food for everyone. Society flourished, this was the time I was brought up in.

While the Seeder’s sole focus were their plants the other races founded the three main dedications; Military, Science and Arts. I was gifted enough to be offered a space in all three universities, in the end I choose the Military discipline. However, I never really applied myself to it. Which I guess you can say was my major character flaw for the first couple hundred centuries.

You haven’t mentioned your two brothers

No. I haven’t

Why don’t you tell us about them?

No.

[Again Jo holds a stern look, I try to keep it but it is evident that this time there will be no backing down from her]

I feel like I have hit a raw nerve here.

Listen “JT” if that even is your real name. You have written my brothers diary, you know what happened, why do you think I don’t want to talk about it?

OK. I’m sorry, forget I mentioned it. So why don’t you tell us about the first time you meet Life.

[At this point I thought that Jo was going to walk out on the interview, however after what felt like several minutes Jo’s natural demeanour returns and she continues with the conversation]

As with my birth, my death is a convoluted story. In fact, when it happened, I had no idea what had happened to me. There was just a sudden blackness and then I woke up in a hospital bed. Only it was in a replica of my bedroom from my childhood. After naturally freaking out, this old man dressed as a wizard came into the room. I freaked out more and even tried to attack him. It was at this moment that I realised that I was no longer in the Commonwealth.

How?

Life stopped me in mid air. Literally. I jumped at him and he made me hang there in the air frozen in time.

After this he took me into his office and partially explained the situation. That essentially, I was dead however due to a mistake I wasn’t on his books, therefore I hadn’t passed over to Death’s realm. Later on I met Death and she confirmed this to me.

Life believed that the situation would be only temporary, so he gave me the ability to go back and see my family in the Commonwealth. After a while he realised that it may take longer to sort this problem out, so he gave me the ability to travel to any time, place, space or reality.

And how long has it been now?

Let me put it this way I have created numerous planets and watched life evolve until it consumes itself.

That’s a bit bleak, isn’t it?

Life often is. Especially if you live forever.

That’s not to say it isn’t wonderful either. I am constantly finding myself surprised by something. It’s quite amazing really.

Could you explain in a bit more detail how you can do any of this. I mean… How are you here? This is all a dream isn’t it?

Ha. You wish. That was the theory that I hung on to for several days after I met Life. Sorry this is the truth. Your reality is only one of an infinite number of others. In this reality you are writing the stories of my life. You are one of infinite other writers doing this.

How’s that even possible?

Are you asking how in an infinite system something can happen?

Yes

Well because it is an infinite system and therefore everything must happen.

Now this is extremely hard to explain, trust me I have tried it on multiple occasions and it’s the only reason I feel anything resembling pity for Life. Then again, he created this system so…

Anyway, imagine a tree, as it grows its limbs split into branches, now if those branches split into more branches, an infinite number of branches, then at some point there can only be branches and nothing else.

However, equally if there are two trees growing next to each other, both with infinite branches at some point then everything will be the branches of these two trees and nothing else. If you have infinite trees growing next to each other then you get infinite branches of infinite trees and nothing else. Now rather than imagining space being filled out by infinite branches imagine time, only now there are not only trees but bushes, grasses, herbs and a whole other ton of green things. Does that make sense?

Ummm… honestly no. How can there be an infinite number of infinite things?

Because infinite demands it.

From that blank look on your face I am going to assume you still aren’t following. Maybe I should use the explanation that Life gave me when I first met him, the one you wrote about in your book that you want to publish. Life told me that time is essentially a flowing river. Our actions are like throwing stones in the flow. A single stone does not affect the direction of the river but they do affect the flow. This is how the events within a timeline can be distinctly dissimilar but still end up at the same result.

However, when more stones, or a very big one is thrown in, the river can be diverted. This is what creates different timelines.

Now imagine if there was an origin to this river, there isn’t, but imagine a spring placed precariously on top of a rock pinnacle. The spring flows in different directions depending on the wind and environment, that’s how there can be different rivers which do not have anything in similarity with each other. Like mine and yours, only you are standing on a boat in your river looking over at my river and I am in a hovercraft capable of travelling between the different rivers.

I… hovercraft?

You have them in this world, right?

Look, do you remember what Death told me when Life was trying to explain this?

Ummm… No?

To paraphrase. You don’t need to believe or understand any of this, it is just true. Accept it.

OK. So… wow to be honest this is a lot to take in.

I know and you have my sympathies. I think we should leave this part of the conversation behind for now. I think explaining how Death and Birth’s realms work will be too much.

Look I see you nodding your head but remember this is a written article, so perhaps it is best if you say something. Unless you think you can remember that you were nodding here and write it in as a note.

[Did she know I was going to write notes?]

Yes

OK…

Shall we move on to some other questions?

Umm… Favourite colour?

Octarine

Animal?

Cat, any type. We didn’t have them in the Commonwealth and they are just amazing.

Food?

Something that will leave you sweating, like the Zanthoxylum Phasianinae from Kumbhakarna’s Endless Eatery.

Author?

Are you looking for a compliment? Your book isn’t even published yet, don’t flatter yourself. I think this is enough for now.

[In the recording you can hear Jo getting up from the chair.]

If you don’t mind, I reorganised your notes. This pile are the ones that I think are most interesting. These ones should go in the bin.

[At this moment Jo disappears and I’m left by myself. In silence I stop the recording.

It’s funny I always assumed that when Jo popped in or out of a place there would be a noise, air rushing to fill the gap or something. There wasn’t. I sat there listening to those seconds between Jo speaking and me stopping the recording. It’s completely silent.

I have just realised, this very moment, that I have never written that there is a noise in any of the stories. If I were to start writing that there is a noise, would there be if I saw Jo again?

I think this weekend I will be getting drunk and trying not to think too hard]

Ah. So that is what Jo looks like.